Thursday, June 4, 2009

My Wife, the Sadist

My wife is a sex blogger. Let me rephrase that to something more appropriate; my wife is an attention whore that discusses our sex life for anyone that will read it. Fact of the matter is, she gets the majority of the topics discussing me wrong but that's okay because half the time I don't even know what the hell I'm doing.

I'm watching her right now. Sitting there with a stern look on her face, her angry little fingers sweeping over the keys. She just saw me looking, shit. Face forward, focus on the screen, keep typing. Now glance over again and watch her readjust herself in her chair, sitting up a little straighter and getting a little closer to her computer screen. She's so pretty when she types up those psychotic rants. How did I get so lucky?

I am not the perfect husband, I'm not even the perfect male reviewer. To help plead my case in how much I suck, I'm a month late on a particular review and every time I sit down to type about it I'm at a loss for words. I've tried to ask my wife to help with her opinion of it but I've been met by comments like, "I don't know" or "I don't care". She's mad about something. She's mad at me and how much I've had to work lately, at least this is what I gather in between her grumbles of "I don't know's" and "I don't care's".

Our blogs have become conversations waiting to happen. I feel like I know her more through her writing than what she's said to me in a face-to-face conversation in the entirety of our marriage. She exposes herself without regard on her website and people comment and feed into her self-absorption. I love that smug side of hers where she knows that people love her and love to actually read her talk about herself. I wish she had this type of confidence about herself when she gets off the computer.

Shit, she just saw me looking again. I'm at a loss for words over this review and over how much I want her to have sex with me right now. Okay, I'm going to go ask her to help me with my review.

Ended up asking for a blow job instead. She told me to go fuck myself. Shit.

Still have to work on the review. Let's see if I can actually finish it and turn it in today.


Rockin said...

Hadn't read your blog before, but this post cracked me up so much that I know I'll be returning soon. :) Keep up the hilariousness!

Dangerous Lilly said...

I can't tell if you MEANT this to be as funny as it's coming off.

but it's late and I'm tired and it made me giggle.

and wonder if my SO thinks the same...he reads my blog, but he's not a blogger.

the bedroom blogger said...

I agree...this is funny. It made my night.

Love and Libido said...

So funny, this sounds like it could have been written by my husband! He's always teasing my 'angry typing' face.