Saturday, July 4, 2009

The Nexus Excel

The Nexus Excel from Tabutoys is one of the most efficient prostate toys I've ever tried, and that's saying something.

Not all prostates were made the same. What works for mine doesn't always work for others, however, from all the customer comments I've read about the Excel it seems we share a common theme; we like it. In fact, a majority of us love it.

What's not to love? It's made out of phthalates-free plastic. It's also hygienic and while it's also nonporous, it shouldn't be shared between partners without the use of condoms. Condoms keep everyone safe and while hard plastic really isn't a material that will allow bacteria to penetrate its surface, it's better to be safe than sorry.

The Excel offers a rather interesting design compared to other anal toys. With a bulbous head atop a bubbled shaft, it's a concoction of curls, cylinders, and spherical shapes.

An interesting note about the Excel is that its sides are flat. This helps to make insertion a little easier, however, it's still quite big and the first time prostate user may find the 1.75" diameter too large. I'm certainly not a beginner but I'm also not an advanced anal player and I found it pretty big. The odd bubbled shapes on the shaft were awkward and made insertion that much harder. Even with a lot of lube (water-based and silicone are safe to use) this was one of the harder toys I've ever put inside my anus, and not just because it's hard plastic.

Once it was inside, I had to focus on deep breathing and relaxation and because at first, my body wanted to do nothing other than expel it from my body. Once I was loosened up a bit (no pun intended) I welcomed pleasing sensations and orgasmic potential that came forth. This toy felt absolutely incredible, even when I wasn't moving, a feat mastered by few prostate toys.

The directions recommended rocking back and forth, allowing "the handle of the Excel to transfer pressure to the prostate-perineum area", supposedly, this movement will bring on spontaneous orgasm that is hands-free, however, I had to subject myself to to penile stimulation. And I'm not complaining about having to jerk my cock in the least! But it would have been nice to cum without having to touch my dick. I'll keep trying but outlook looks doubtful.

The S-shaped handle of the Excel offers a rollerball that is intended to sit below the scrotum at the perineum, this stainless steel ball applies pressure wherever it's pushed against. The other part of the handle serves as a nodule that can be moved by you or your partner to stimulate the prostate. However, you should be extremely careful when moving it around as damage to the prostate can occur as it such a fragile part of the male body.

To clean the Excel first remove the steel rollerball with the provided extraction tool. The tool isn't neccessary as anything that is thin enough will slide into the hole to pop the ball out. Wash the toy down with soap and water or with an isopropyl alcohol solution. Unfortunately, hard plastic cannot be boiled so this is really one of the only negatives about this toy. The other being difficult insertion.

Powerful orgasms delivered and received. The Excel really is one hell of a toy, it's a must buy for those who take their prostate health seriously.

You can purchase it at for $71.00, and with their shopping program you earn frequent shopper points that lead to money off future purchases.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

My Wife, the Sadist

My wife is a sex blogger. Let me rephrase that to something more appropriate; my wife is an attention whore that discusses our sex life for anyone that will read it. Fact of the matter is, she gets the majority of the topics discussing me wrong but that's okay because half the time I don't even know what the hell I'm doing.

I'm watching her right now. Sitting there with a stern look on her face, her angry little fingers sweeping over the keys. She just saw me looking, shit. Face forward, focus on the screen, keep typing. Now glance over again and watch her readjust herself in her chair, sitting up a little straighter and getting a little closer to her computer screen. She's so pretty when she types up those psychotic rants. How did I get so lucky?

I am not the perfect husband, I'm not even the perfect male reviewer. To help plead my case in how much I suck, I'm a month late on a particular review and every time I sit down to type about it I'm at a loss for words. I've tried to ask my wife to help with her opinion of it but I've been met by comments like, "I don't know" or "I don't care". She's mad about something. She's mad at me and how much I've had to work lately, at least this is what I gather in between her grumbles of "I don't know's" and "I don't care's".

Our blogs have become conversations waiting to happen. I feel like I know her more through her writing than what she's said to me in a face-to-face conversation in the entirety of our marriage. She exposes herself without regard on her website and people comment and feed into her self-absorption. I love that smug side of hers where she knows that people love her and love to actually read her talk about herself. I wish she had this type of confidence about herself when she gets off the computer.

Shit, she just saw me looking again. I'm at a loss for words over this review and over how much I want her to have sex with me right now. Okay, I'm going to go ask her to help me with my review.

Ended up asking for a blow job instead. She told me to go fuck myself. Shit.

Still have to work on the review. Let's see if I can actually finish it and turn it in today.

Monday, June 1, 2009

To My Wife

I've been an asshole. I'm sorry.

Friday, May 8, 2009

I really love my wife



I really love my wife and I hope that she finally realizes it now.

Semenex was my gift to her; she often complains about the taste of my cum and well, I wanted to make it a little better for her. (By often I mean whenever I truly beg, and by begging I mean whenever I subject myself to stand around in Macy's while she asks me which cornice valances would look better in the dining room. And yes, I just said cornice valances.)

I put myself through hell so that my cum would taste better for her but you know what? It meant guaranteed head and it meant she wouldn't complain about the taste so maybe, I did it for myself too. Okay, I know I did it for myself but I'm telling you, I risked life and limb for her.

Why am I going on and on about the agonizing, excruciating, damn right tom-fuckery fact that I love my wife? Because I drank Semenex for her. Trust me, I could drink warm, skunky, piss beer without batting an eyelash but seriously, Semenex was beyond disgusting.

I didn't know what I had gotten myself into. I read reviews online (the only ones I could find were written by women) and they made it seem like Semenex could really be something magical. And while it works, (yes, it does do that at least) it was the most repulsive substance I had ever swallowed.

So what did it actually taste like exactly? Rancid eggnog mixed with broccoli water, pineapples, and garnished with a little nutmeg and a final hint (just a hint) of celery. It smells great. It smells like gingerbread cookies coated in cinnamon, it's even a nice light brown color but do not be fooled! Once you actually mix this in water it turns green and has a taste not many people could stomach.

The main ingredients are pineapple, broccoli, bananas, celery, strawberry, fructose, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, citric acid, vitamin B6, B21, and E, calcium, magnesium, creatine, selenium zinc, and chlorophyll.

Serving Size: 2 scoops/tbsps (level)
Servings per Container: 10

Amount Per Serving: 21.5g
Calories: 75.3

Total Fat: 0.56, Saturated fat: 0.05g
Cholesterol: 0g
Sodium: 0.91g
Total Carbohydrate: 16.4g
Dietary Fiber: 0.56g
Sugars: 13.7g
Protein: 1.1g

Amount Per Servings / % Daily Value
Vitamin B6: 2.9mg - 145%
Vitamin B12: 15mcg - 249%
Vitamin C: 14mg - 23%
Vitamin E: 4.3 IU - 14%
Cakcium: 417mg - 41.7%
Creatine: 190mg
Iron: 0.98mg - 5.54%
Magnesium: 221.45mg- 55%
Phosphrous: 22.15mg - 2.2%
Potassium: 203mg -5.8%
Folic Acid: 16.1mcg - 4%
Selenium: 223.6mcg - 319%
Zinc: 5.81mg -38.7%
With everything in it, it sounds like it would be good for you! Like it might actually tastes decent but the broccoli and ginger combination is what really makes it feel like you're throwing up in a dumpster out back of Red Lobster (and let's include "in the middle of July where the temperature is nearing 100 degrees", just to drive that point home).

The jar that it comes with promised that it was sweet-tasting and provides the "perfect blend of specific fruits and begetables at nine times their normal concetrations together with three essential spices to create the first male supplement ever made publicly available to actually sweeten semen." And while they lied with "sweet tasting", it actually does what it promises.

My wife has told me that my semen has tasted like snot, salt water, fish, expired fruit, cayenne pepper, and her occasional favorite flavor, "shit". I figured that anything was better than any of those flavors so Semenex ought to be worth something. And it improved the taste tenfold. What was the flavor? One night it was pineapples mixed with salt and the next she said it was like butter rum. See, I love her SO much that I drank Semenex not only once, not only twice, but three times for her.

Why did I drink it three times if she only gave me head twice? Semenex will not enhance the taste of your semen for 12 to 24 hours. After24 hours we got the salty pinapple, she was annoyed that there was a salt flavor so instead of her giving me head the next night, we waited an extra day to let it brew a little longer. And even though I did it three nights, only got head twice, one night I got a hand job! Semenex recommends as the first step that you ejaculate at least once before bed time to rid the body of natural tasting semen.

Step 1: About an hour before bed, ejaculate at least once to rid the body of natural-tasting semen.

Step 2: Open SEMENEX container and stir contents thoroughly.

Step 3: Pour 6 ounces of water or other beverage (e.g juice or tea into a lidded container or shaker.

Step 4: Add one serving (two level tablespoons/scoops of Semenex)

Step 5: Close the lid and shake contents vigorously, then drink.

Tips: While SEMENEX will enahnce Semen taste in as little as 12 to 24 hours, it is recommended that you repeat steps 2 to 4 for an additional one to two nights, being careful not to ejaculate further (the human male phsiology takes approximately three days to fully replenish semen supply.

For best results, an additional serving of SEMENEX may also be taken about mid-morning or lunch the following day(s) thereafter. Take no more than two servings per day.

These Statements have not been evaulated by the FDA.
Using Semenex is easy, finding something that it will actually taste good with is hard. I opted for OJ the last night and it was the best solution I could find. The first night was purely water which I shook up furiously inside of the bottle and that made me gag to the point I was dry heaving/retching. It was smooth, not gritty as I had read in another review I found through google- the texture and consistency was fine to stomach.

Because of the repulsive taste, I wondered, is it not supposed to taste this bad, maybe something is off? Unfortunately, it's good till 9/10 so the bad taste isn't from it being expired, it's just a nasty tasting product. A good thing is that it lasts for 12 months once opened so maybe in a few months when I've forgotten just how bad it is, I'll give it another go.

Another downside is that I've had to wait 3 weeks to actually take it. I've been on a low carb (no sugar) diet to drop a quick 20 lbs for my job and the 13.7g's of sugar in Semenex would have set me back. To some it doesn't sound like a lot but my guess, the sugar in this is table sugar and it would have hindered my weight loss progress. I couldn't afford to risk anything so I had to hold off on being able to take this. I don't expect diabetics would fare very well with this product or those that have hypoglycaemia- if you do, Semenex's website actually tells you to consult your doctor.

For now, it's a very expensive luxury item that would I'd be hard pressed to purchase, I'm also quite confident that I can alter the taste of my own cum if I lay off the Mexican food and eat a diet rich in vitamins and fruit (mainly pineapple).

Semenex was an adventure to say the least, and really made me thankful that I never auditioned for Fear Factor because with Semenex, the fear of the taste is the #1 factor why I would not recommend this. However, I'm going to go out on a limb here and recommend this (to those with strong stomachs) because it does actually work. I took it not once but three times and due to how bad it tastes, it's a testament to how much I really love my wife.

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If Semenex is not for you, check out Edenfantasys' full range of sex toys to find something that is.

Sunday, April 26, 2009


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Thursday, April 23, 2009

Ginger Leigh’s Fabulous Shopping Spree

Win $1,000 worth of products with Ginger Leigh's Fabulous Shopping Spree? Fuck. Yes.

First up, the Peekaboo Pole Dancing Kit. Now many of you would think, why in the fuck would a guy want a stripper pole? To watch my wife wrap her legs around it and slide up and down. I'd sit watching her, silently stroking my cock while she makes magnificent love to it and shows me just how well she can move her gorgeous body. I am a highly visual person; watching her, wanting her, and not being able to touch her would be all I need to get by.

Next up, the Nexus Vibro White. My prostate the very hard to find, very hard to please, central station of my pleasure. Nexus prostate massagers, I've heard, are incredibly effective and this one has been crafted with all the bells and whistles, that will hopefully send my train screaming down the tracks at full speed ahead.

I hear the O2 Revolution calling to me. I want my wife to fuck me, to assert some control and slide a big, soft dildo in my willing ass. But to do that she needs a harness and the Corsette Harness Cheetah Vibrating looks just as wild as she does!

After the rare occasion of her fucking my ass, we'd need to even the playing field with some actual love making. Both the Kama Sutra Earthly Delights Tin and the Gift Set Carnal Pleasures could make me melt. Each are unique in their own way- one with Indian infusion, the other with Japanese. Pleasure balms, oils, desensitizing creams, and sweet body dusts would make for incredible nights of slow kissing and deep caressing- they'd help me to show my softer side to my wife and show just how much I love her.

I may live a vanilla life outside of the bedroom, but once in it, I'm a completely different man and I have a very dark side! The Wide Tip Riding Crop would be an implement that got a lot of use, simply because the design is so simple and the brand is so trusted. Spartacus products have never failed me and the Crop would be perfect for the nights when my wife wants to explore more of her submissive side.

Because I think my wife is beautiful and I only want the best for her, the Lock Red Satin Lined Ankle Cuffs, Locking Red Satin Lined Wrist Cuffs, and Locking 1 1/2 Red Satin Padded Collar would treat her like my princess. I may play Dom but that doesn't mean that I can't spoil her when she's in the role of sub. I love her and this red satin set would be the ultimate present, a reminder of that love and the fact that it locks is a reminder of who has the power.

On nights when my wife isn't around, the Kochi Japanimation Love Doll would be my company. From her cartoon eyes to her tight pussy and ass, I'd definitely have something to keep me busy!

When I'm in dire need of some entertainment, Fuck - 2 DVD set would highlight any dull evening! A 2007 AVN Award Winner on Film for Best Art Direction, Best Cinematography, Best All-Girl Sex Scene, Best Group Sex Scene, and Best Oral Sex Scene would be the type of film to keep me interested from start to finish! And what would I want while I'm watching Fuck 2? Flip A Sista Over By Pipedream. I trust Pipedream products and I've always wanted a chocolate lover. This silicone masturbation sleeve looks like it would be easy to hold, especially when things get a little slippery with some Sex Tarts Lube in Grape Soda. This lube would pull double duty for masturbation and oral sex. Grape Soda would have one hell of a taste, I can only imagine!

And what does my dream wish list total? $988.46! Damn!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009


My balls. Not that special, just a set of large balls. As a reviewer, I often get stuck with really small cock rings. Even ones that are unstretched at 2 1/4" aren't big enough for me.. I've yet to find a steel ring that I can wear the traditional way that actually fits, maybe someday.

I'm not the only naked dude this week, check out Views from the Back Row to find more of us.