Friday, May 8, 2009

I really love my wife

Before


After

I really love my wife and I hope that she finally realizes it now.

Semenex was my gift to her; she often complains about the taste of my cum and well, I wanted to make it a little better for her. (By often I mean whenever I truly beg, and by begging I mean whenever I subject myself to stand around in Macy's while she asks me which cornice valances would look better in the dining room. And yes, I just said cornice valances.)

I put myself through hell so that my cum would taste better for her but you know what? It meant guaranteed head and it meant she wouldn't complain about the taste so maybe, I did it for myself too. Okay, I know I did it for myself but I'm telling you, I risked life and limb for her.

Why am I going on and on about the agonizing, excruciating, damn right tom-fuckery fact that I love my wife? Because I drank Semenex for her. Trust me, I could drink warm, skunky, piss beer without batting an eyelash but seriously, Semenex was beyond disgusting.

I didn't know what I had gotten myself into. I read reviews online (the only ones I could find were written by women) and they made it seem like Semenex could really be something magical. And while it works, (yes, it does do that at least) it was the most repulsive substance I had ever swallowed.

So what did it actually taste like exactly? Rancid eggnog mixed with broccoli water, pineapples, and garnished with a little nutmeg and a final hint (just a hint) of celery. It smells great. It smells like gingerbread cookies coated in cinnamon, it's even a nice light brown color but do not be fooled! Once you actually mix this in water it turns green and has a taste not many people could stomach.

The main ingredients are pineapple, broccoli, bananas, celery, strawberry, fructose, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, citric acid, vitamin B6, B21, and E, calcium, magnesium, creatine, selenium zinc, and chlorophyll.

Serving Size: 2 scoops/tbsps (level)
Servings per Container: 10

Amount Per Serving: 21.5g
Calories: 75.3

Total Fat: 0.56, Saturated fat: 0.05g
Cholesterol: 0g
Sodium: 0.91g
Total Carbohydrate: 16.4g
Dietary Fiber: 0.56g
Sugars: 13.7g
Protein: 1.1g

Amount Per Servings / % Daily Value
Vitamin B6: 2.9mg - 145%
Vitamin B12: 15mcg - 249%
Vitamin C: 14mg - 23%
Vitamin E: 4.3 IU - 14%
Cakcium: 417mg - 41.7%
Creatine: 190mg
Iron: 0.98mg - 5.54%
Magnesium: 221.45mg- 55%
Phosphrous: 22.15mg - 2.2%
Potassium: 203mg -5.8%
Folic Acid: 16.1mcg - 4%
Selenium: 223.6mcg - 319%
Zinc: 5.81mg -38.7%
With everything in it, it sounds like it would be good for you! Like it might actually tastes decent but the broccoli and ginger combination is what really makes it feel like you're throwing up in a dumpster out back of Red Lobster (and let's include "in the middle of July where the temperature is nearing 100 degrees", just to drive that point home).

The jar that it comes with promised that it was sweet-tasting and provides the "perfect blend of specific fruits and begetables at nine times their normal concetrations together with three essential spices to create the first male supplement ever made publicly available to actually sweeten semen." And while they lied with "sweet tasting", it actually does what it promises.

My wife has told me that my semen has tasted like snot, salt water, fish, expired fruit, cayenne pepper, and her occasional favorite flavor, "shit". I figured that anything was better than any of those flavors so Semenex ought to be worth something. And it improved the taste tenfold. What was the flavor? One night it was pineapples mixed with salt and the next she said it was like butter rum. See, I love her SO much that I drank Semenex not only once, not only twice, but three times for her.

Why did I drink it three times if she only gave me head twice? Semenex will not enhance the taste of your semen for 12 to 24 hours. After24 hours we got the salty pinapple, she was annoyed that there was a salt flavor so instead of her giving me head the next night, we waited an extra day to let it brew a little longer. And even though I did it three nights, only got head twice, one night I got a hand job! Semenex recommends as the first step that you ejaculate at least once before bed time to rid the body of natural tasting semen.

Step 1: About an hour before bed, ejaculate at least once to rid the body of natural-tasting semen.

Step 2: Open SEMENEX container and stir contents thoroughly.

Step 3: Pour 6 ounces of water or other beverage (e.g juice or tea into a lidded container or shaker.

Step 4: Add one serving (two level tablespoons/scoops of Semenex)

Step 5: Close the lid and shake contents vigorously, then drink.

Tips: While SEMENEX will enahnce Semen taste in as little as 12 to 24 hours, it is recommended that you repeat steps 2 to 4 for an additional one to two nights, being careful not to ejaculate further (the human male phsiology takes approximately three days to fully replenish semen supply.

For best results, an additional serving of SEMENEX may also be taken about mid-morning or lunch the following day(s) thereafter. Take no more than two servings per day.

These Statements have not been evaulated by the FDA.
Using Semenex is easy, finding something that it will actually taste good with is hard. I opted for OJ the last night and it was the best solution I could find. The first night was purely water which I shook up furiously inside of the bottle and that made me gag to the point I was dry heaving/retching. It was smooth, not gritty as I had read in another review I found through google- the texture and consistency was fine to stomach.

Because of the repulsive taste, I wondered, is it not supposed to taste this bad, maybe something is off? Unfortunately, it's good till 9/10 so the bad taste isn't from it being expired, it's just a nasty tasting product. A good thing is that it lasts for 12 months once opened so maybe in a few months when I've forgotten just how bad it is, I'll give it another go.

Another downside is that I've had to wait 3 weeks to actually take it. I've been on a low carb (no sugar) diet to drop a quick 20 lbs for my job and the 13.7g's of sugar in Semenex would have set me back. To some it doesn't sound like a lot but my guess, the sugar in this is table sugar and it would have hindered my weight loss progress. I couldn't afford to risk anything so I had to hold off on being able to take this. I don't expect diabetics would fare very well with this product or those that have hypoglycaemia- if you do, Semenex's website actually tells you to consult your doctor.

For now, it's a very expensive luxury item that would I'd be hard pressed to purchase, I'm also quite confident that I can alter the taste of my own cum if I lay off the Mexican food and eat a diet rich in vitamins and fruit (mainly pineapple).

Semenex was an adventure to say the least, and really made me thankful that I never auditioned for Fear Factor because with Semenex, the fear of the taste is the #1 factor why I would not recommend this. However, I'm going to go out on a limb here and recommend this (to those with strong stomachs) because it does actually work. I took it not once but three times and due to how bad it tastes, it's a testament to how much I really love my wife.


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$44.99Semenex
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If Semenex is not for you, check out Edenfantasys' full range of sex toys to find something that is.

2 comments:

Heidi said...

You know, health food stores sell empty gel capsules for people to fill with foul-tasting herbs so that they can be swallowed untasted like regular medicine...maybe that could be a solution?

Love and Libido said...

That looks disgusting! I never knew there was anything like that on the market. Occasionally I'm just not in the mood to swallow, I just get my husband to wear an ultra thin condom, not as fun but better than nothing.